Across our galaxy a star just exploded and all of God’s knowledge bursts forth to claim new territory. I use to ask Christians if they thought that Jesus knew everything. I mean does he have absolute power of the universe and if so, can Jesus tell me right now what Black Hole is where and what star it will devour next and on the bottom of our ocean, does Jesus know what giant squids just ate for dinner and what was it President Obama had for lunch and if a sunspot erupts does he know how hot it is? Does he know about hemorrhoid cream and the absurdity of putting testicles on the outside of men’s bodies? What the fuck is that about?
“Of course he knows. He’s God.” my piglety little Christian friend says without taking his eyes away from the King James i.e. most inaccurate goddamn Bible ten bucks can buy. “Please watch your profanity.”
“From hemorrhoids to your testicles, only he knows why and when, on EVERYTHING,” he adds smugly. “And watch your profanity.”
I am tripping on mescaline in a church bookstore at the time. Hallucinogens are frowned upon in the Christian faith.
“I don’t think so. I think pandemonium is everywhere and chaos is more than true and God loves it that way. He likes the rawness of it all. He likes profanity and earthquakes and supernovas and child slave trading and freewill and eighty-thousand dollar blue fin tuna and Stephen Hawking being forced to use a breathing machine to move and communicate and skyscrapers falling and one child being born to look like George Clooney and the other no arms and a wave in an Alaskan bay five-hundred feet tall from an ice-shelf breaking and carrying a fishing boat a mile inward but they somehow lived what a fucking ride that must have been as some power is making an ACORN into a GIANT REDWOOD and Matrix Neo begins to see what has been right in front of him his whole life for the first time sorta’ like how I’m feeling right now HOLY SHIT this is coming on strong there is some energy field circling around watching and waiting and creating and we grab ideas from it when we can and inspiration and music and love and it gets bigger if you can hang on as we fly through the universe and Don Juan told me to be “less available as a WARRIOR.” So here I am, getting less available.”
I take a deep breath.
“That felt right to say. Are you getting any of this?”
“Are you on something?” he asks. “You are starting to scare me.”
I pull out a flask of bourbon and take a swig. “I’m done with your fucking church. I need some answers.”
“You sholdn’t be driving a car!” he yells.
“Say a prayer, then…” I retort. “Say a prayer to protect me.”
